This Crazy Little Thing Called Love
by Quiddative
Summary: I'll bet Speed Racer never had to worry about the Mach Five raping Racer X's Shooting Star." In which one of Gwen's spells goes wrong and now Kevin's car is in love. Kevin/Ben.


**Title**: This Crazy Little Thing Called Love  
**Summary**: "I'll bet Speed Racer never had to worry about the Mach Five raping Racer X's Shooting Star."  
**Pairing(s)**: Kevin/Ben and Kevin's car/Ben's car  
**Rating(s)**: PG-13  
**Warning(s)**: Crack, Alien Swarm spoilers, and... car porn. But not the kind you're thinking of.  
**Word Count**: 3001  
**Disclaimer**: I'm just borrowing Man of Action's toys to play with in my sandbox for a while.

**Author's Notes**: So, funny story...

draykonis: My brain has gone to a weird place where Kevin rebuilds his car and it starts to mate with the one he built for Ben...  
me: I wanna write that now.

... 'Nuff said.

*

Kevin is almost done putting his baby back together again when it all goes horribly, horribly wrong.

Well, they don't know it at the time because it isn't obvious at first.

Kevin is trying to turn the ignition on when Gwen asks, "You need some help with that?"

"No," Kevin grunts and gives the key a hard twist. "I'm... fine!" He gets out of the car and pops the hood, leaning in to inspect the engine more closely. Nothing _seems _out of place...

"You sure?" Gwen moves closer to get a better look. "You know, I could give it some juice." Pink sparks are already swirling around her fingers.

Kevin looks at her as if she'd just suggested they take the Camaro apart again. For fun. "_No_, you are _not_ touching my baby!" Gwen puts her hands on her hips in her "Kevin, you're being ridiculous" pose but doesn't say anything. Kevin resorts to fiddling with the engine.

Fifteen minutes later, there's still nothing.

"Okay, maybe just a little." Kevin finally concedes.

Gwen eases past him and brushes her hand over the engine.

The car lets out the most beautiful purr Kevin's ever heard. He shuts the hood and turns to face Gwen with what he _knows_ must be the biggest, dorkiest smile on his face. "Gwen," he breathes, "You're amazing." He picks her up by the waist and twirls her around in the air once before setting her back down and giving her a light peck on the forehead.

Gwen laughs and pushes him away. "Careful. Don't want your boyfriend to be jealous now, would we?"

*

The new old 1976 Camaro drives like a dream. Of course, she's not nearly as good as her predecessor, but Kevin can't complain too much.

One day, out of the blue, Ben drops by the garage with Chinese take-out. He doesn't call ahead to ask; just drives right up in his two-month late birthday with a large bag of beef fried noodles and Kevin falls just a little more in love with him then. Ben parks the car in the back where Big Ed keeps a collection of run down vehicles and takes the food in so they can eat in the comfort of the garage's 'staff room', which mainly consists of a television set that's probably older than Max Tennyson, a squeaky couch, and a pool table.

They talk while they eat about Ben's day at school, Kevin's day at the garage, aliens, and a bunch of other random stuff. Kevin doesn't remember exactly how, but they forget about their food sometime later and start making out on the couch--not that he's complaining.

So there they are, Ben all but completely sunk into the couch and Kevin straddling him and tongue-fucking his mouth quite happily when Ben glances over Kevin's shoulder and his brows furrow in confusion. "Kev--ah! Kevin, _stop_!" He pushes the older boy away and sits up.

"What's wrong?" Kevin asks, a little worried but mostly annoyed. He really wants to get back to making out with his boyfriend before Big Ed gets back from his break.

Ben is staring over Kevin's shoulder. "Um, Kevin, your car's supposed to be in the garage, right?"

"What do you mean 'supposed to be'?"

The thing is, Big Ed is a fan of Feng Shui. When Kevin had started working at the garage, Big Ed explained that he could do whatever the hell he wanted in the staff room as long as he kept the couch lined up with the door. This means that if Kevin is to turn around right now, he'd be able to see straight through the door to the garage where his car _should_ be because that's where he usually keeps her so she won't get pooped on by pigeons.

So he turns around.

And the car _isn't there_.

"What the fuck?" he shouts, jumping off the couch and rushing out the door.

Ben follows close behind. "Dude, where's your car?" he says.

But Kevin isn't listening. He's scanning every inch of the garage but doesn't seem anything else out of place except for the fact that _his car is gone_. He searches his pockets for his keys.

The good news is they're right where he left them. The bad news is he still doesn't know where his baby is. "Do you think someone could've hotwired it?" Ben asks when he sees the keys.

"If they did, I don't know how." Kevin growls out. "First of all, no one could've gotten into the garage without us knowing." The bell at the door is surprisingly loud for its considerably small size. "And second of all, I'd specifically outfitted the car with a Level Five shield system. If anyone without a key even _tried_ to break in, they would've gotten one hell of an electric shock." Ben folds his arms and gives Kevin a look. "What?" Kevin protests. "It wouldn't kill them! It would just leave them unconscious long enough for me to beat the shit out of them myself."

Ben sighs and drops his arms. "Okay, so what happened then?"

"I don't know!" That might've come out a little harsher than necessary, but at the moment, _missing car_ is the main priority in Kevin's head.

Both boys freeze when they suddenly hear a screech similar to that of nails against a chalkboard. Except it's metal scraping against metal. "Son of a bitch!" says Kevin. They dash out of the garage to the back and find...

... Well, that's actually a pretty good question.

It's Kevin's car alright. And Ben's.

More specifically, it's Kevin's car sliding up and down against Ben's.

"Kevin," Ben says slowly. "Am I seeing things or is that your car humping against mine?" he asks weakly. "If you want to make me happy, then you'll tell me that I'm just seeing things. Kevin?"

Kevin can't give an answer because his brain's stopped working over the fact that his car is _alive_. As in, it has a mind of its own. Sure, he calls her 'baby' all the time but that doesn't mean she's actually _sentient_.

"Kevin!" Ben hisses, elbowing him in the ribs.

"Ow! What was that for?" Kevin hisses back.

"That's _your_ car!"

"Well, I don't know how this happened!"

Ben pushes Kevin forward. "She's still yours so do something!"

Kevin doesn't move an inch further. "You're the one with the Omnitrix! Can't you scan it and see if it's an alien?"

Ben holds his arm up. The watch is quiet. "Don't you think it would've reacted by now if it _was_?"

"Okay, okay." Kevin concedes, holding his hands up in defeat. He takes a careful step towards the cars. When nothing happens, he takes two more steps, three more until he's standing only a foot away from them. It's not scary so much as it is _majorly awkward_ to be standing so close to the cars while they're--well, _Kevin's_, really--doing... that.

He clears his throat. "Um... excuse me?" he tries. When the Camaro doesn't respond, he tries again, louder this time. "H-Hey! 1976!"

This time, the car does stop. In fact, she slides right off Ben's car and swerves in Kevin's direction with an unpleasant roar, coming dangerously close to entering his personal space. Kevin thinks he might've heard, "Fuck off, can't you see we're busy?" somewhere in there but _it's a car_ _and cars are not supposed to do that_.

Then again, cars aren't supposed to be alive, either. "Right," Kevin murmurs, stepping back. "Sorry."

The car, if it's possible, gives him a glare before going right back to... yeah.

Kevin returns to Ben's side. "Well?" Ben prompts anxiously.

"I don't think they want us around for a long while." Kevin mutters, gently steering Ben back into the garage. He double bolts the doors on their way in, just in case.

*

An hour later and the Camaro is _still_ going at it. When Big Ed gets back from his break, he very calmly asks them what the fuck is going on outside.

Ben looks at Kevin and Big Ed, who's no stranger to some of Kevin's more creative automotive modifications, instantly gets the point and mimics him.

"Why does everyone keep assuming _I_ would know why my car is suddenly alive and horny?" asks Kevin, annoyed. Neither Ben nor Big Ed's gaze lighten up. Kevin sighs, "I honestly don't know."

"Well," Big Ed decides a brief moment later as he glances outside the window, "Just make sure it doesn't start jumping people next. And while we're at it, for God's sake, don't let the customers see them!" And that's that.

"Kevin," Ben suddenly says after a while. "You finished rebuilding your car last week, right?'

"Yeah... "

"Did you do anything... different?"

Kevin shakes his head. "Nope. I rebuilt her exactly the way it was before except--" He stops cold as the hamster wheel in his brain begins to turn and a certain memory comes back to him.

"Except... ?" Ben prods.

"Let me make a phone call." Kevin mutters, already pulling his cell phone out and searching for Gwen's number.

*

Gwen arrives twenty minutes later. "What's the big emergency that I needed to bring my spell book for?" she asks.

Kevin and Ben wordlessly point her towards the window. They leave her there for a minute before she slowly turns around to face them looking just as dumbstruck as they'd felt an hour and a half ago. "Kevin, is that your car--"

"Doing inappropriate, X-rated car stuff to mine?" Ben says dryly. "Then yeah, it is."

"How did this happen?"

Kevin fixes her with a glare. "Gee, Gwen, I dunno. Could it be that voodoo spell _you cast last week_?"

Gwen's eyes widen as she reaches the same conclusion Kevin did. "But... it's not supposed to make things come alive... " she protests weakly.

"Well, it did, so now you're going to cast a counter spell on it!" orders Kevin.

Gwen jumps a little but nods, whipping her spell book out from her bag.

They spend the rest of the afternoon going through the pages with a fine comb before Gwen gives a defeated sigh, closing the book. "I'm so sorry, guys," she says, "But there's no counter spell to this."

"But there has to be!" Ben and Kevin say at the same time.

Gwen shakes her head apologetically. "I can't find it anywhere and if it's not in here, then I doubt I can find it anywhere else."

"This is all your fault." Kevin tells her. "I'll bet Speed Racer never had to worry about the Mach Five raping Racer X's Shooting Star."

But Gwen looks so miserable for not being able to help that Kevin forgives her anyway--after she pays for pizza take-out and buys him and Ben a set of duvet and pillows from Wal Mart so they can camp out at the garage for the night because there's no way in hell they're leaving their cars alone.

"You should tell Big Ed to invest in heaters." Ben mutters as he buries himself under the duvet.

But as Kevin wraps an arm around Ben and pulls him closer against his side, he finds that he doesn't mind it that much. "It's okay," he says, giving Ben a kiss and a playful wink, "I can heat you up if you like."

Ben laughs and punches his shoulder lightly. "_Good night_, Kevin." he says with a tone of finality but his voice is soft and full of warmth.

*

They're no better off the following morning than they'd been the day before. "Anything yet?" Big Ed asks when he comes in.

Both boys shake their heads simultaneously.

Big Ed shrugs helplessly and flips the 'OPEN' sign at the door outward.

*

Gwen and Elena come in an hour later. The first thing Elena does when she arrives is to go straight to the back and see the "car porn" for herself. "Well," she says when she comes back in. "They're not fucking anymore."

Kevin and Ben jump up at the same time. "Really?" Ben asks eagerly.

Before Kevin can ask what the cars are currently doing, Elena goes on, "They're cuddling."

Three pairs of eyes stare at her. "They're... cuddling." Gwen repeats flatly.

"Yup."

"Like... cuddling." Ben says dumbly.

"That's what I said."

Kevin wordlessly marches out to see for himself. The cars are, indeed, cuddling. More specifically, the Camaro's the one nuzzling the side of Ben's car while purring like a cat that just caught itself a canary. Several of them, in fact. "Oh, come on!" he grunts, going right up to them. "_Cuddling_? Seriously? You've got no class at all, you know that?"

But apparently the Camaro takes offense to that. She gives a roar and bumps into Kevin hard enough to knock him over but not enough to do any damage. Well, not yet, at least.

Elena laughs. "You know what they say, Levin, you should never disturb an animal when it's sleeping, eating, or fucking." She takes a closer look at the Camaro, which had gone right back to cuddling with the other car. "Or in this case, cuddling."

"I wish I brought my camera." Gwen sighs wistfully. "Can you imagine how many hits this would get on Cute Overload?"

"My car is _not_ cute." Kevin glares scathingly at the aforementioned car as he gets back up.

Ben steps up to the cars. "Hey, uh, Kevin's car? Um, hi. I'm Ben. I'm the owner of your... Carfriend? Car lover? Well, anyway, I kinda really need it--er, I mean _her_ back because I've got a soccer game coming up later on today and... "

The Camaro gives a roar and rolls her wheels threateningly. Ben quickly backs away. "... Or, you know, I can just borrow a bike." he says meekly.

Elena folds her arms. "You're not touching mine." she warns.

"Come on," Gwen sighs as she links her arms through Ben and Elena's and pulls them back to the garage, "Let's just take the bus and figure this out later."

Kevin is the last to leave. "I am _very_ disappointed in you, young lady." he says sternly.

The Camaro pointedly ignores him.

*

They're coming back from Ben's soccer game on the bus when Gwen finally brings the car topic back up again. "So... what are we gonna do?" she asks.

"Beats me." says Elena, popping a Starburst in her mouth.

"I hate my car." Kevin says darkly.

Ben pats him sympathetically on the shoulder. "You don't really mean that."

Even though Ben's right, that doesn't make the situation any better.

The four of them sit in dubious silence for the rest of the ride.

*

Ben comes up with a solution when they get back to the garage.

"You sure this will work?" Gwen asks them nervously.

"Well, it's not like they've got any other choice." Elena reasons.

They watch from the window as Ben and Kevin make the trek out to the cars, holding an old white sheet between them all the while.

"I can't believe I'm doing this." Kevin grunts.

"If you've got a better plan, I'm all ears." Ben retorts.

The good news is Kevin's car isn't cuddling the other one anymore. Even better, she hasn't gone back to fucking. They're just sitting there like there's nothing wrong in the world. Once he and Kevin get close enough to the cars, Ben clears his throat. "Um, excuse me? Kevin's car?"

The Camaro suddenly springs forward with a low, but threatening roar. Ben motions to Kevin to start waving the sheet. "Hey, uh, I'm sorry we got off the wrong foot--um, _wheel_ earlier. I was wondering if we could try again?" Ben asks.

The Camaro seems to consider this before leaning backwards. "Awesome, I knew you'd understand since, you know, you seem like a pretty smart girl." Ben grins. Dear God, his car is _blushing_. Kevin is sure of it. "Anyway, Kevin and I are the _last_ people who would want to get in the way of your... relationship, so we want to propose a compromise." Kevin could swear that the Camaro had leaned forward at the word "compromise". "So, yeah, Kevin and I have a lot of places to go and in order to get to those places, we need a reliable form of transportation, meaning you guys--" The Camaro gives a roar and starts revving her engine up. "Whoa, hold on! I'm not done yet!" Ben waves his hands wildly. "As I said, we don't want to come between you two, so I was thinking we could... share."

It sounds weird even _thinking_ it, but eventually Kevin, Ben, and the Camaro work out a schedule; the cars are theirs from seven to four on weekdays and ten to six on weekends. During the times Kevin and Ben don't need them, they'll meet up at the garage, leave the cars alone, and pick them back up after at least two hours. It's actually quite beneficial for all of them because Kevin will get to see Ben every day and his car will get to see Ben's car every day, too.

"But you better not try to sneak out at night." Kevin warns, glaring authoritatively at the Camaro.

To her credit, the Camaro looks suitably ashamed.

Ben laughs and slips his hand into Kevin's. "Come on, Kevin, let's give our girls some privacy. It's seven, remember?"

Once they're back in the garage, Kevin says, "But she's not _ready_ for a relationship. She's less than a month old and hasn't even gone on her first road trip yet!"

Ben simply smiles and pulls Kevin closer to him. "Oh, I don't know, I think you can trust her. After all, she's got a pretty good _Dad_."

Kevin smirks, "You think so?"

"Yeah," There's a mischievous glint in Ben's eyes. "Now, where were we before we got interrupted by all this car drama yesterday?"

*


End file.
